He's Alive, But His Dick Has Gone To The Other Side.!

Dear Reader, if ever a woman tells you that she is a widow, I guarantee you that there is an infallible method for discovering if she really is a widow: If her husband suddenly walks in while you are standing naked in his bedroom and giving your penis a pre-intercourse pep talk, then you know she's been bullshitting you.

This old man walked in. Walked in? Tottered in (The poor guy could not have been younger than 90) He tottered in and regarded me coolly as I stood silently before him looking like a human tripod.

Without a word, the old man began undressing. He unplugged his colostomy bag, hitching it up on his zimmer frame. Mabel or Mrs "Widow" as I shall now refer to her then walked in from the bathroom without a stitch on! She had a body that resembled a Madam Tussauds exhibit after someone had left it too near to the radiator. I snorted at her, "You told me your husband was dead!"

"I can't remember what I told you, " was her defence. "I've got Alzheimers!" She then asked if I would partake in a three way with her husband as they had not had one since VE Day. She promised that she would increase my original fee of £800 to £850. I consoled myself with the plan that I could always put the £850 towards the cost of the psychological counselling that a threesome with a combined age of nearly 200 would undoubtedly require.

With good fortune, and perhaps you already realise given the title of this post, the old man's involvement in the threesome was nil. We tried every trick in the book to arouse his aged penis from it's (presumably) 20 year slumber: From blowing air on it, to flicking boiling kettle water over it; from showing the old man a picture of Greta Garbo in her pomp, to Mrs Widow talking dirty to him ("I'm putting on my flannellette nightie and running my fingers through your hairpiece") there was no way the bloody thing was going to emerge from its hibernation.

I'm afraid I had to depart after a couple of hours as I had a prior appointment, but even today I still wonder how long the couple were there, slapping away at the Old Feller's old feller.

Geoff's Blog: Keeping it up on a once a decade basis

Sexual Geoff Prickett (It's pronounced Prickett)

From Wales With Love

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