My First Time

I was 15 when I was relieved of my virginity.

My Auntie was 19.

Now before you start judging me, I didn't know she was my Auntie at the time as my pervy Uncle Terry had secretly married the ample-breasted Goddess in secret ceremony somewhere in Las Vegas several months previously. Girls, please ignore the disgraceful chauvinism that follows, but Guys, I swear this woman was so horny, I did not believe it really was sweat running down her leg as she claimed.

I met this fantastic woman at my local scout meeting (She was my Akela's daughter). During the tuck-shop interval, she took me round to the caretaker's hut and boy, did she take care of me! I was in teen heaven! While all the other cubs were buying penny sweets and peanut brittle, she was giving me aniseed balls! Of course, the woman wasn't breaking the law as it was actually my 16th birthday, but I always tell people the incident happened when I was 15 to add a bit of Welsh glamour.

I tell you that leggy creature did things to me during that Monday evening Scout meeting that I had only ever witnessed in a 4th generation copy of that Animal Farm video - And I'm not talking about the George Orwell version! I'm referring to the infamous blue movie of the early 1980s - a highlight of which involves a naked lady riding a horse - albeit not in the same sense as you'd witness in the 2.45 at Aintree.

On this occasion, I was that horse.

First she took me in hand, an activity which up to the previous evening was something only I had been privy to. Then, she spent several good minutes rubbing and gently twisting, and delicate kneading my boy parts. There was also some erotic folding. I later learned she worked in a bakery, so she was quite dextrous with her hands. Of course, I would have gone limp if she had brought along her rolling pin.

She hitched up her skirt very slowly, pulled down my trousers and pants, then bestrode me like a Colossus. Before I knew it, I had become A MAN. To this day, I still can't watch The Derby without remembering that marvellous day.

Anyway, blah blah blah we had sex - squelchy, squelchy, spurt, spurt (Ooops, I've just lost the feminists) and I came like Stephenson's Rocket, completely ruining everyone's evening of rope knotting. As a consequence, I was banned from attending another Scout meeting until 2019. All hopes of earning a badge for shagging had regrettably evaporated. Although I always thought that if ever they awarded badges for excessive masturbating, then my poor Mum would have got arthritis attempting to sew them all on to my uniform!

Mind you, thinking about it, my Mother would be the very last person I would want to proudly show off my Wank badges to.

But digresssing I am. As I said, at the time, I was unaware that my first sexual partner was related to me, although this type of experience is not an uncommon experience for those growing up in Wales, and it was only a fortnight later that we both discovered the truth during Sunday lunch at my Nanna's when my Pervy Uncle Terry showed off his new bride for the first time.

I held no grudges, but I was, to say the least, embarrassed, but only for the poor cheating slut. I maintained a gentlemanly discretion when we shook hands 'for the first time'. Looking back, I wish she was just as discreet - for she said, in a loud voice for all to hear, "It's alright, we've fucked before". Only too late did she realise that she meant to say "met".

Geoff's Blog: Keeping it up on a first time basis.

Geoff Prickett (it's pronounced Prickett)

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