The Oscar Goes To ... Dave The Plumber

When clients (of the non-screenwriting variety) first contact me, they are aware that my name is Geoff, however when I begin dispensing my medicine of lust in the art of horizontal gigolity, many request that I perform under all sorts of aliases.

One lonely housewife asked if, during a Geoff sexual session, she could call me 'Sir Trevor Brooking' after the former West Ham midfielder. I think she was a fan. I duly obliged, of course - The customer is always right ... however sick and depraved they might be. And keeping within the football theme, I even impressed the customer with a skilful tackle, slotted one in, and was even pulled off at half time!

Another favourite name with the ladies is 'Dave the plumber' or something equally general. The women I attend to often like to fantasise that I am not a male prostitute, simply a bloke called Dave from round the corner who pops in to bleed the radiators. Don't ask me why, maybe they view shagging the plumber as a more erotic event than a £20 an hour Welsh Gigolo.

But it's easy for me to lose concentration during these times and there are moments when I have to contain my laughter and work jolly hard to stay jolly hard, especially when all you hear between the moans of pleasure are the phrases, "Fuck me harder, Dave the plumber", or "I'm coming, Dave the plumber, I'm coming!!!"

Other names I have been asked to assume during the throes of nobbing are also as incredulous:

Terry

Your Highness

Mr Cock

Senip Gib

Bob Carolgees

Dorothy

But I am never one to judge. If it increases the pleasure for a woman by referring to me under a nom de shagge and I get amply rewarded by it, then who am I to start moaning? I leave that to the lady underneath me who likes to call me 'Dave The Plumber'.

Geoff's Blog: Keeping it up on a plumbing basis

Sexual Geoff Prickett (It's pronounced Prickett)
From Wales With Love
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